I HATE gender-neutral pronouns. In refuse to use "zie" and "zir" -- I use "them" and "they" if for no other reason than I can keep them straight. And if it was good enough for Jane Austen, it's good enough for me.
I never use "zie" or "zir". I find them weird-looking and distracting, and therefore an impediment to communication. But I don't like using "they" and "them" either when it will be ungrammatical. Probably I'd opt for "one" in that case, even though it sounds overly formal, or "the person" (or some other descriptive) even though it makes for cumbersome sentences.
My understanding was that "they" and "them" are considered grammatically-correct singular gender-neutral pronouns by many and acceptance is increasing over time due to the lack of an alternative.
I find that I tend to speak and write in such a way as to make someone's gender not apparent. Recently, on a feminist BBS, I was writing about a sweetie as "zie", and some people there asked questions about it. I realized that one of my reasons for saying "zie" was that I didn't think the gender of my sweetie was relevant to the discussion, and that I didn't want to use "they" because I was only talking about one particular sweetie rather than a phenomenon or experience that applies to all current sweeties.
Which is a roundabout way of saying "I often like 'they' and 'them', but this was a situation where I thought there was legitimate confusion about whether I was talking about one person, several people, or many people.
My impression is that they are used ungrammatically about as often as any other pronouns. Some people are good at grammar, and others aren't. If I can understand the meaning, I'm not going to bust someone for using her instead of she, or zir instead of zie (unless I'm very good friends with that person, in which case I might do it as a tease).
I don't mind them horribly when they're used correctly, but so many people throw them around randomly and the lack of subject/object/possessive attention distracts me impossibly. (I don't love them, either. I prefer, when possible, a re-write, or if necessary, "they/them." It's not necessary to say, "A doctor should respect his patients" when "doctors should respect their patients" is right there and available.
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Which is a roundabout way of saying "I often like 'they' and 'them', but this was a situation where I thought there was legitimate confusion about whether I was talking about one person, several people, or many people.
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But I also like new music, so you know where my taste is!
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