(no subject)

[pat]

I nearly got into an argument with a woman from my church tonight. It was regarding the new Bishop of New Hampshire. To say that we disagree on this matter would be an understatement. She is deeply pained by the ordination of a gay man as a bishop in her denomination. It flies in the face of what she understands to be God's commands to his people.

It would be easy to dismiss her as just another bigot -- but she isn't. She would never approve of violence toward gays, I am sure -- nor in fact would she urge the exclusion of gays from church. I know this, because I have heard her say so. And I get the impression that what is happening causes her genuine pain and confusion, and not a little anger.

To dismiss her anger, her pain, and her confusion as being unimportant would be to dismiss her as unimportant. And that would be a mistake and a tragedy. This woman spends an incredible amount of energy working for an orphanage in Tijuana, Mexico. She raises money, arranges for volunteers, and spends time down there herself. There are children who are healthy and happy today as a direct result of her efforts. She has made a real and substantial difference in the world around her. And she does it without asking for accolades or applause. I have immense respect for her, in no small part because in order to do all of this, she had to take risks, and do things which were new and uncomfortable at first. She went bravely onwards because she recognized that God was calling her. She is genuinely trying to follow in Christ's footsteps.

It is so easy to demonize those with whom we disagree -- especially on matters which touch us closely. It is so easy to overlook the bonds of humanity which tie all of us together. It is so easy to circle the wagons and consign others to hell as being unredeemable.

And in doing so, we make the world a colder and harder place, and risk becoming those whom we despise.

All of us, from the man sitting on Death Row to the baby born yesterday, are made in God's image. That so many of us -- and I certainly include myself in this number -- forget this so frequently is enough to make the angels weep.

I will never agree with my friend from church -- I can't, I simply believe in complete faith that she is wrong. I pray that those who feel the way she does will come to a different understanding of what God requires of us to be worthy of his service. No doubt she does the same.

But I am glad that I know her, and that she is in the world.

Comments

[firecat]

[sigh] My parents left their most recent church over its choice of a gay man as the new minister. They aren't out-and-out bigots either -- they know about my life and are ok with it.

[frankenboob.livejournal.com]

Thank you for phrasing it so beautifully. I really didn't know what to say about the situation. I was thinking about the conversation while driving home & could not figure out the basis for her opinion. I was floored by what she said... but do recognize her as a valuable member of our community.

It was an odd night.

[patgreene.livejournal.com]

I want to thank you for stepping in and defusing what was turning into an ugly situation. I had got the bit between my teeth and would have probably escalated things had you not done so, and that would have been bad for everyone concerned.

[frankenboob.livejournal.com]

Not a problem... once I figured out she was *not a Democrat*, I knew the conversation was going nowhere. LOL.

[griffen.livejournal.com]

I don't understand how you can put up with someone who won't agree with you on that fundamental of an issue.

[patgreene.livejournal.com]

I can put up with her, as you put it, because she is a valuable and worthwhile human being. No, I do not downplay her position on this. But if we turn the world into armed camps, if we throw away people like her, we are the poorer. This woman may well, if we can continue in gentle and loving dialogue with her, change her views. If we throw her away as not being worth dealing with, she will never do so.

That said, there are people who I cannot put up with. If she were advocating violence towards gays, or even going around proclaiming that gays were destined for hell, or demanding their exclusion as members of church, I would not put up with that. I'm not completely sure even that she opposes gay priests -- our diocese has a number of them, and I have never heard her say a word on the issue. But a gay bishop is a big deal for her.

[anotheranon.livejournal.com]

My first impulse is that of griffen - how on earth can you continue to associate with such a person??

But then I try and remember - some folks, particularly those who are older/socially sheltered, simply cannot fit gay people - bishops or no - into their personal framework. Literally all they've been told by their church is that Gay People Are Bad, and have no experience to tell them otherwise. I think of some older folks in my own family, and I seriously doubt they'd even believe that gay people exist (rather like the Loch Ness Monster, they'd have to see it to believe it :/)

While I cannot take your stance that we are "all made in God's image" (not sure of God's existence, and I do think there are some genuinely evil people out there), I do think that this woman's confusion and anger are better addressed in a constructive, educational manner than with a simple dismissal.

I too hope that she comes to realize that gay != bad, but I despair of praying for it. Education and exposure is what's needed here.

[patgreene.livejournal.com]

I do think there are genuinely evil people out there too. But I think the distance between them and ourselves is a great deal less than many of us would feel comfortable acknowledging. I also feel that people in general, and I include myself here, too -- are too quick to judge the entirety of a person based on one or two positions. I believe people can be wrong -- seriously wrong, at that -- without being evil.

[wcg.livejournal.com]

Wise words Pat. It's good that you recognize the quality and worth of this woman who has done so much good. Perhaps by reaching across to her you are already leading her into greater understanding.

[patgreene.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Bill. I didn't do much reaching across last night, I'm afraid to say. Had frankenboob not stepped in and insisted on changing the subject, thereby effectively separating the combatants, it might have turned really ugly. I am going to try and do better when discussing this issue with her, because anger will not get me anywhere.

[wcg.livejournal.com]

You're right, it won't. You have to meet her wherever she's coming from and then try to have a civil dialogue from there.