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[pat]

rmjwell asked a very good question on dot_cattiness. Here is my reply.

But it got me thinking.....



Why is cattiness enjoyable? And why don't I find it as amusing as I used to?

There are still contexts in which I find a well-turned snark to be refreshing. My favorite columnist is Miss Manners (Judith Martin), who is no slouch when it comes to withering (and well-deserved) comebacks. And I find Roger Ebert's reviews of bad movies howlingly funny.

But increasingly, I find snarkiness directed at a person -- even a person I don't know -- makes me feel uncomfortable. And a lot of of the snarkiness I read on the 'net (not just confined to dot_cattiness)is aimed at persons, not behaviors. I.e., not "that was a stupid [or pretentious, or FITB] thing to have done" but "you are a stupid [or pretentious or FITB] person for having done it." I find after a while this colors my view of the world -- which tends to be on the jaundiced side, anyway. And all of us have our failings -- all of us are occasionally stupid, or pretentious, or unfair, or mean, or *something*.

But I still occasionally read dot_cattiness. Partly because there are a few contributors who are genuinely gifted wordsmiths, and I stand in awe of their verbal abilities. But that is not all it is. And I don't feel it is good for me -- but I do it anyway. Sort of like worrying a tooth with a cavity in it.



Note: these are expressions only of *my feelings* and are not intended to be a reflection upon anyone else. There are people who I like and respect who contribute to the community, and my respect for them is not diminished thereby.

Comments

Some good questions

[rmjwell.livejournal.com]

if you really have a gripe about someone, why post it in a community?

Several answers spring to mind...

First, the gripe may be about someone that, because of power imbalances in the relationship, the griper may not be able to bring it to the gripe-ee. I've noticed a lot of work-related cattiness.

Second, griping about it in a secondary forum may be the spleen-venting that the griper needs in order to deal with the gripe-ee and zir behavior effectively.

Third, not all gripes are necessarily intended by the griper to be learning experiences for the gripe-ee.

why read there if you suspect someone is talking about you behind your back, and that's why you're there?

I think you hit on most of the thoughts I hold myself. Also, I've found that some folks take every (or nearly every) opportnity to find things that reinforce their own low to bordering-on-martyrdom self-image (this observation predates my involvement with any parts of LJ). dot_cattiness is just another source for such folks to go hunting for new thorn crowns.

I suspect a few things in the community have been written about people I know, but I also suspect the same thing occurs in locked posts. I don't think there's anything that anyone can do about it, really. That's life.

Pretty much. Unless you or yours are John Ashcroft. ;-)