(no subject)

[pat]

rmjwell asked a very good question on dot_cattiness. Here is my reply.

But it got me thinking.....



Why is cattiness enjoyable? And why don't I find it as amusing as I used to?

There are still contexts in which I find a well-turned snark to be refreshing. My favorite columnist is Miss Manners (Judith Martin), who is no slouch when it comes to withering (and well-deserved) comebacks. And I find Roger Ebert's reviews of bad movies howlingly funny.

But increasingly, I find snarkiness directed at a person -- even a person I don't know -- makes me feel uncomfortable. And a lot of of the snarkiness I read on the 'net (not just confined to dot_cattiness)is aimed at persons, not behaviors. I.e., not "that was a stupid [or pretentious, or FITB] thing to have done" but "you are a stupid [or pretentious or FITB] person for having done it." I find after a while this colors my view of the world -- which tends to be on the jaundiced side, anyway. And all of us have our failings -- all of us are occasionally stupid, or pretentious, or unfair, or mean, or *something*.

But I still occasionally read dot_cattiness. Partly because there are a few contributors who are genuinely gifted wordsmiths, and I stand in awe of their verbal abilities. But that is not all it is. And I don't feel it is good for me -- but I do it anyway. Sort of like worrying a tooth with a cavity in it.



Note: these are expressions only of *my feelings* and are not intended to be a reflection upon anyone else. There are people who I like and respect who contribute to the community, and my respect for them is not diminished thereby.

Comments

[hopeforyou.livejournal.com]

I used to read dot_cattiness with some regularity, and I believe my partners have been subscribed to it at some point though I haven't checked recently.

I read the link above and I agreed with one of the thread respondents who said "If you don't like it, don't read it". I decided not to read it in part because of what you cite -- that a number of entries were not only directed toward individual people and not behaviour -- but also because I simply do not have the time. I still have other communities subscribed, but I've been skimming them for some time now with the exception of polyamory.

About something mentioned in that thread: people check out dot_cattiness just to figure out if people have written things about them. I think this brings up two very good questions:

First, if you really have a gripe about someone, why post it in a community? It seems to me if the gripe is about a person and not their behaviour, taking the issue up with them may change things for the better. If you just complain about them there...and other people who know that person mention it to them, then they've just become the unwitting victim of telephone and indirect communication. Well, actually, both the writer and object have, really. I know that the space is mostly for venting, but I think some people go out of their way to drop clues as to the identity of the person they're talking about so they hope that individual will see it and it will hit the target. I can't think of there being any motivation behind that other than to a) vent and b) hurt someone else.

Second, why read there if you suspect someone is talking about you behind your back, and that's why you're there? It seems to me that you're engaging in exactly the same behaviour that they are by suspecting that someone will talk about you behind your back and not to your face. It says something about what you assume about others' character. Maybe your assessment is spot on, but why seek confirmation? It also seems to just invite hurt on oneself if you *do* find something there about you you don't like.

I suspect a few things in the community have been written about people I know, but I also suspect the same thing occurs in locked posts. I don't think there's anything that anyone can do about it, really. That's life.

[hopeforyou.livejournal.com]

Just to be clear, the "you" is a general "you" here and not you. And I don't really think there is anything anyone should do about dot_cattiness.

[patgreene.livejournal.com]

I don't think anyone should do anything about dot_cattiness, either. As I said, there are people I like and respect who inhabit dot_cattiness, and they enjoy it, so the more power to them. I was simply more interested in my own reaction -- why do something that troubles me? And exactly why does it trouble me? It is an inconsistency, and therefore of interest to me.

This is also the reason I posted this in my own journal, and not in the community in question.

[patgreene.livejournal.com]

I actually don't want to read things that are about myself or people I know. I tend to get madder when they are about people I care about than when they are about myself, but neither is fun. That is why a) I've stopped reading on a regular basis and b) in the past when what I would say would be traced back to me -- and hurt someone in the process -- I would vent under an assumed username. (I would never put names or identifying information in a vent, but sometimes you can figure things out just by knowing who's posting.)

Some good questions

[rmjwell.livejournal.com]

if you really have a gripe about someone, why post it in a community?

Several answers spring to mind...

First, the gripe may be about someone that, because of power imbalances in the relationship, the griper may not be able to bring it to the gripe-ee. I've noticed a lot of work-related cattiness.

Second, griping about it in a secondary forum may be the spleen-venting that the griper needs in order to deal with the gripe-ee and zir behavior effectively.

Third, not all gripes are necessarily intended by the griper to be learning experiences for the gripe-ee.

why read there if you suspect someone is talking about you behind your back, and that's why you're there?

I think you hit on most of the thoughts I hold myself. Also, I've found that some folks take every (or nearly every) opportnity to find things that reinforce their own low to bordering-on-martyrdom self-image (this observation predates my involvement with any parts of LJ). dot_cattiness is just another source for such folks to go hunting for new thorn crowns.

I suspect a few things in the community have been written about people I know, but I also suspect the same thing occurs in locked posts. I don't think there's anything that anyone can do about it, really. That's life.

Pretty much. Unless you or yours are John Ashcroft. ;-)